Lume, lume sora lume  | Journal  | Diary
11.04.2009 

I haven't been writing for 41 days. I couldn't write. I'm just between the edges. When I turn my left I see rush and happiness, but when I step one back I face sorrow. This is what life is called, huh?

It's sometimes heavy my friend. Sometimes too heavy to carry on.

Probably you remember that one of my uncles (who are not blood-relatives), Erol passed away in the New Year's eve. That was a deep pain to me. Not only his loss but also waiting another appointment with the angel of death...

It was something that we all knew, and something we wish never be true...

Yilmaz Ozturk... my uncle...

My dearest uncle, to whom I often brought hazelnut shortbreads, who had always been my light on my way of knowledge, Yilmaz passed away by cancer in 23rd of March, 2009.

Death is sometimes meaningless. Meaningless that it doesn't hurt you. Because sometimes parting apart comes way before the death. Be-loved may sometimes go far away from you, may become stranger to you when he's still with you... When he's still breathing...

Yilmaz was away from us inside his bed with his closed eyes which he was rarely opening. Without loosing his consciousness, he was just aware of being at the end of his way... It was hard to him to cope with the fact that he can't eat anymore, or can't go to the Moda Park anymore, or can't... Can't... cannot... anything...

Death is sometimes meaningless my friend. Having your heart beating is not preventing from dying. If you cannot share life with him anymore, my friend, doesn't that mean death? If you cannot walk along the beach together and talk on politics anymore, my friend, what do heart beats mean?

It's been so hard for me since the 23rd of March. I hate the saying "life goes on", however we tell it inevitably.

My wedding is on the 10th of May. Wedding dress is being prepared. House has been getting decorated. My heart is aching.

What does life mean, my friend? Both sorrow and joy?


***The song you listen to in this post is sung by a Romanian singer, Maria Tanase, who died by cancer, when she was 50, in 1963. Here I add the English tranlation of the lyrics from the website VirtualRomania.org


World, world, sister world
World, world, sister world
When will I have enough of you
When will I have enough of you
When I give up bread for Lent
And the glass will give up on me

Maybe then I'll have enough of you
Maybe then I'll have enough of you
When they hammer the nails on my coffin
When they hammer the nails on my coffin
World, sister world
When they put me in my grave
And I won't be on earth anymore
World, sister world

That's how the world is, transient
'Cause that's how the world is, transient
One is born, another dies
One is born, another dies
World, sister world
The born one suffers
The dead one rots

'Cause that's how the world is, transient
One is born, another dies
World, sister world
The born one suffers
The dead one rots
World, sister world


* Note from the website: "Cand s-o lasa sec de paine" - "When I give up bread for Lent" is a very loose translation. Romanians have "selective" fasting on Wednesdays and Fridays and certain periods of the year. Those days they give up meat for Lent, and anything of animal origin. However, bread is such a basic food in Romania that giving up bread for Lent would be unimaginable, and it doesn't exist as a tradition. A very exact translation of "When I give up bread for Lent" would be "never". Same with "when the glass will give up on me", which is meant to be the other way around, "when I give up drinking", which again has the meaning of "never".

My additional note: Here in the song the first "World" rather means "folks/everybody"...


Yilmaz's photo you see on top was taken in a barouche, on Buyukada (the biggest of Prince's Islands on the Marmara), in April 2007, by me.
There are Yilmaz Ozturk, and Ismail Besikci (sociologist-writer) in the main page profile photo.

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Banu Bingor
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fatma
So Cocoa!
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Banu Bingör
Hello World!
Jenn ~ Thank you my dear! I'll soon be posting about all those details :) »»
Jenn@leftoverqueen.com
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Banu Bingor
So Cocoa!
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Kelly
So Cocoa!
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